Thursday, March 11, 2010

its been century since my last update,, this time i post up this post is to release some of my tension.

today(11-03-2010) is my worst nigthmare.
today, is the day spm results released.
i juz cant believe it. i noe i can do better than this. but why can this happen to me.
its not like i never study. in fact i studied quite hard and quite confident this time.
but it ended up like shit. i juz truly disappointed w/ it.
once i got my results, sshhoooosssshhhh.........
i'm gone.
i went to a random car park, then i park my car there. then i started crying alone, all by myself. bcuz i juz cant control it..
the tears burst out from my lovely eyes. then i look myself in the mirror.
OMFG i look like a red-nose-reindeer+ a ghost.
then suddenly, a guard nearby knocked on my window. i winded down my window bcuz i tot i cant park there or something. of course i make sure the guard was not holding a weapon or smtg. he's an old man. he looked quite friendly of course.
then surprisingly, he asked me, "hey miss, what happen? r u alrite?" then i was like... "hmm, ya. i'm ok. dun worry". then i winded back my window.
luckily he didn't shock to death by looking at my scary face. phheww..
then i continued crying for bout 20 mins. while i was crying, my phone non-stop ringing and ringing. sry friends. i seriously couldn't talk. i can barely breathe.
but after i calm myself down, i thought of my grandma.
she sayang-ed me the most.
she loves me for who i m.
she doesnt like me to change myself and try to act like others. she wants me to act like who i m.
i love her i miss her sooo sooo much.
during tht moment, what i wanted the most was her big big hug,
i can still rmb when i stayed with her in kulim when i was young, wheni was 2-3 and5-6. i loved going back to kulim during kindergarten holidays.
i miss the days when she held my hand and walk to the market.
sometimes, we even ran back home if it rains.
i miss when she scratched my back until i fell asleep.
i miss when we talked everynight until we fell alsleep.
i miss when we counted "1..2..3.." then we promised not to talk and juz sleep, bcuz we had too much to talk, if we didn;t use this method, we can juz until the next morning. haha
she has NO temper AT ALL. i dunno where can we get a woman with no temper.
she talks very softly. and gently even though i've done something wrong.;
i miss when she took a syringe full with anti-biotic or medication and chased me all around the house. juz to make sure i recover faster.

I WANT UR HUG NOW MAMA. can u pls come and gimme a last hug.
i get results tht did not satisfy me, i noe u're the only one tht wun blame me as long as i've tried my best.
i love u and miss u always.
u're always the best besides my mummy daddy.

then, i drove like a wind to the temple where my grandma was placed.
then i talked to her for a lil while.
i hope she can hear tht.
i sat at the cushion nearby. i nearly fell asleep. Zzzzz~ ( i think bcuz i cried too much)
then....complete silent....
"hello *going-to-die-voice*"\
"ah min ar, where r u?"
our conversation went on.
my family were so worried bout me.
felt so bad rite now.

now i felt better. thanks dear! for comforting me!!

then juz nw during dinner time, ah leong kuku came.
he let me try something really awesome and funny!!
hahahaahahhahaha. u all shld try tht.
it works.
thank you!!!
i dunno hw m i going to live w/out u. i mean when i'm going to other place to study.
even to kl ir anywhere.
i'm going to miss u.
and u cant tam me like u used to tam me!! =( =( =(

btw, i have something to tell daddy mummy too..
i;ve done my best and no regrets.
and thank you so much for all the things u've gave me.
these things are the things tht not ALL of the parents can give to the children.
sorry if i disappoint u guys,
i will try harder next time.
so i can get scholarship and reduce ur burden.
love lots.

must continue support and love me!!
and the most important!!!
be by my side whenever i need u!!!

<3 <3 <3
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